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Melissa

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Reply with quote  #1 
Thanks to Eric for this sheet (attached).  Below is the content of the sheet:

Non-Empathic Responses


Gather Data
  • “Has this happened before?”
  • “How long has this been happening…?”

One-Up
Tell a story to make them feel ridiculous in having their problem.
  • “That’s nothing, one time I…”
Feed the Fire
Agree with them. Get them all wound up about their problem.
  • “Yeah, they are totally… Yeah, that’s totally…”
 
Give Advice
Tell them your great idea about how to solve their problem.
  • “You know what you should do is…”
Story Telling
“I remember once when I…”


Don’t Feel/Shutting Down
Negate the way they are feeling.
  • “Oh don’t feel so ______.”
  • “It can’t be that bad.”
  • “You’re really making this much worse than it really is.”
Encourage
  • “I believe in you!”
  • “I know you’ll get through this.”
  • “Yes, you do what is right for you!”
 
Sympathy
  • “I totally know how you feel.”
  • “I feel really awful for you.”

Analyze
  • “You know what I think your problem is, is that you are too…”

Ordering
Tell the person what to do
  • “Well, don’t just sit there complaining about it, go…”
 
Educating
Persuading with logic, or lecturing
  • “You know, thinking that way can be really bad for your health.”
 
Distract/Avoid
Make a joke out of what they are saying.  Somehow find a way to avoid their feelings.
  • “Well, that’s life. What’s for lunch.”
Correcting the Story
  • “That’s not what I heard…”
  • “So-and-so told me that you…”
 
Consoling
  • “Poor you. That’s so awful.”

pdf
 Non Empathy Responses.pdf 


Melissa

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Reply with quote  #2 
Here is one that's not on the sheet:
  • Thinking we already know what its like for the other person
Thinking we already know what they are feeling or needing, is a form of projection rather than empathy.
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