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It was Mika's second time facilitating at Pacifica.  On Monday there was a small intimate group of 7.  One member joined us for the first time.  In the first half of the session we did several rounds of empathy for that person re: challenges at work dealing with time pressures and angry clients.  We practised giving classical NVC guesses, "Are you feeling ___ and do you really need ___". We practised acknowledging the "felt experience" of the speaker with metaphor guesses, e.g. "Is it like trying to solve complex math problems with someone screaming at you?  Is it like every time you pick up the phone you fear you might get shot with porcupine quills?"  We talked about how important acknowledgement is as a need, even before empathy.  Then we practised needs guesses using 5-word pictures instead of one abstract noun.  So instead of "empathy" or "appreciation" we asked, "Do you long for a pat on the back?" or "Would you love a sense that's you're not alone, that someone's with you and knows what it's like?" We practised how to make NVC sound more natural.
After giving empathy to the speaker, we asked them to role play an angry client.  The group picked up words that had an emotional charge to it, like "it clearly says on the website that..." and speculated on the needs that would be important to the client such as Clarity, Trust, Ease, Responsibility, Accountability.  We talked about some needs that are structured like multi-layered cakes, like the need for "Order".  If you had Order, then what would that give you?  Ease.  If you had all the Ease in the world, what would that give you?  Freedom.  If you have Freedom overflowing, what deeper need would that meet? etc....
In the second half of the session, we talked about Attachment Theory.  Mika covered the basics as requested by someone who had been part of Sarah Peyton's 4-day workshop on Dissociation recently.  And then we plotted what kind of core beliefs (expectations about the world and about ourselves) that we might have if we had Secure Attachment, Avoidant Attachment, Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment, Disorganized Attachment. Then Mika demo a core belief transformation empathy process - how to make needs guesses that would help shift the speaker's core belief.  And someone else volunteered to try the process with a belief, "I just can't do it."
Mika will be offering a 3-hour Saturday morning workshop in East Van on April 26th 9:30-12:30 on the topic of Core Beliefs.  Please email her to register:  ehmehm13@hotmail.com

Jenna Card
CNVC Certified Trainer
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