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Melissa

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Susan Skye talks about how respect is often used as demand, strategy, criticism, and shame-oriented evaluation (and usually parading as faux need).  And how to tell the difference between respect used as jackal or true intrinsic need.

http://newdepths.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Intrinsic-Respect_Susan-Skye.mp3

I found the audio quite insightful, even though I already had my own ideas about how respect is a jackal term!  To add to her commentary, I often find other needs lurking underneath my desire for "respect" such as care, consideration, warmth, acceptance, freedom of choice, equality, fairness, and to matter.



Stuart

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What's different between care and consideration?
Melissa

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Thanks for your food for thought, Stuart! I found your question helped me clarify my thinking.  And I do enjoy the empowering potential of making distinctions!

I imagine two scenarios might illustrate the difference:

An example of caring, but not considering, another:
  • I might care about a friend, who tells me on Monday that she is going through a rough breakup.  It may not occur to me on Tuesday to check in with her by calling to see how she is currently doing with the emotional outfall.  I might care, but not demonstrate consideration on that day.
An example of considering, but not caring, about another:
  • My boss might not really care about me as a person -- he may not care about the impact on me when he overloads my work schedule to the point of burnout (even if I speak up about it).  However, say he wants me to finish a project by a certain deadline with a certain level of quality, so he may consider that I'd need clear instructions, adequate information, and the relevant tools to do the job. He might be a considerate in some ways, but that doesn't automatically mean he cares about me as a human being. (Another boss may not be considerate in that way, NOR caring.)

How does this land for you, Stuart?  Does that help you differentiate between consideration and caring?

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