Welcome to East Van Compassionate Communication Community !
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
Melissa

Avatar / Picture

Administrator
Registered:
Posts: 180
Reply with quote  #1 
I love this metaphor Newt Bailey has for navigating with empathy:


Quote:
“If you were to ask a surfer why they surf, they`d probably tell you `because its fun, they enjoy it`, something like that. And if you said to them,  “Are you surfing in order to get the wave to change direction, or to work out where the wave is coming from, or where it use to be, or why it turned out the way it did?”, they would look at you very confusedly... 

And, for me, when you’re empathizing with someone, it’s almost like you’re riding the wave of their experience.  And you’re staying with them, just in the same way a surfer stays with a wave.  And you’re doing it for the joy of doing it; for the joy of connecting with another human being… And you're not doing because you're trying to lead them somewhere; you're not doing because you're trying to analyze where they're coming from or why they turned out this wayyou're not doing because you`re trying to redirect or change what's going on...

Sometimes, there are some waves, which can be a little hard for you to ride.  And if your surfing is not up to that particular wave it’s maybe a good idea for you to go back into the beach and let someone else surf that wave.  And that is an additional part of the metaphor that I like.  You surf when it’s enjoyable for you to surf and if it starts to feel dangerous or scary or uncomfortable for you to be empathizing with that person, riding that wave, then you stop.


Here's the rest of the 10 min video as part of the New Spirit of Empathy documentary project:



(title in this post was shoplifted from http://streetgiraffe.com/2012/12/02/to-surf-or-not-to-surf-the-wave-of-anothers-emotions/)
JennaCard

Avatar / Picture

Administrator
Registered:
Posts: 80
Reply with quote  #2 
this is a really great video Mellisa.. thanks for sharing!   I love the part of silent empathy with our significant others to allow spaciousness.. inspiring!
__________________
Jenna Card
CNVC Certified Trainer
https://www.heartspring.ca/
Nancy B

Administrator
Registered:
Posts: 58
Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you Melissa, for posting this wonderful quotation about riding the wave, by Newt Bailey, which I've only now seen.  I haven't yet watched the video but look forward to doing that.  I love the imagery in this quotation, and it reminds me about getting OFF the wave (which I sometimes forget I have the option to do).  I also appreciate Newt Bailey's other postings... e.g. I really enjoy his role-plays on Youtube.  Thanks for sharing this inspirational resource!   Nancy B
Melissa

Avatar / Picture

Administrator
Registered:
Posts: 180
Reply with quote  #4 
Ooh, I'd love to see which ones you enjoyed, Nancy. I haven't seen any of his other works. Would you be cool with sharing the links to some of them? Spread da love!
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.